there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
