I will die if light touches me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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