Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
