so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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