So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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