so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
