i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
