You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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