So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
