So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
