so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
