If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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