It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
