I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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