That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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