oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
