all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
