I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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