When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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