Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
