Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
