holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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