He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
