Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Randomize
