In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
