How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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