dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
