Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
