I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
