I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
