Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
