I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
