Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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