life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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