You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
