that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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