Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
