you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
