my phone needs a breathalizer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
