She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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