Im at strip club and am horny
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
