she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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