I love black thongs
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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