hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
