So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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