I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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