I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
