Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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