Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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