I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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