just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
