just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
