I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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