You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
