Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
