people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
